Reminder: Activate your ears
Some say that you can’t beat a modern digital gadget to help with managing communications – where would you be without your smart-phone? While I wait in the checkout queue at Sainsbury’s I can check three different email accounts, surf the web, or receive an SMS to remind me to buy the right type of Toothpaste from the bewildering array displayed on the shelves!!
However, sometimes this constant electronic contact can become a little wearing and it’s proved on numerous occasions to be the least effective way for resolving an argument or problem over any kind of significant detail or semantic disagreement.
Digital communications are also great when you’re in ‘Happy Apple’ mode – feeling positive about the world and marvelling at the glow of blue LEDs that exude confidence and seduction from your new toy. But if you’re tired or battling with complexity I have discovered two new gadgets that outperform these gizmos. The good news is that they come pre-installed on human being v1.1 and you get two as part of the standard offering with few exceptions.
Ears are without question one of the best communication tools we have – they sit nicely away from that blunt transmitter in the middle of the communications portal that sits above our neck, in a rather superior elevated side location, teasing us with a sly side-on profile view. In terms of design these instruments are subtly angled towards the front for optimum reception and work best in conjunction with appropriate levels of eye-contact, signalling that they are charged, on-line and have a decent signal.
Communicating is as much about receiving as it is about transmitting. With the growing choices of social media and digital broadcast channels, it’s far too easy to fall into the trap of attempting to transmit on every level, when targeting, messaging and the quality of what you say is more important that the frequency with which you tweet it. If you are stuck in broadcast mode, you also tend to miss the important replies when they come back in the other direction as a response to your outputs. You can’t judge the mood of your attractors and detractors if you don’t have an inbound channel as part of your communications portfolio. Receiving as well as sending has been part of the communications model since it was first considered by engineers and comms. theorists alike.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
A close friend of mine who is the director of a local design consultancy recently visited me for a ‘catch-up’ session after a prolonged spell away from work. On one level we had a great conversation about her business and plans for driving forward in the next few months and at same the time I felt that perhaps I wasn’t contributing much in terms of articulating new ideas or areas for exploration.
Subsequently we spoke on the phone a few weeks later and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that she went away from our meeting fired up with enthusiasm and ready to embrace new business plans. Reflecting on this, it’s not always what you say in this type of one to one scenario, but what you facilitate out of your fellow conversationalist. Don’t just broadcast; taking the lead in a conversation can include involving and encouraging others to contribute.
On further reflection on this topic, from my recent Jury service on a long-running case, the most powerful instrument I have seen wielded by a defence barrister in court seems to echo and underline this principle rather well.
Although repeated requests for specific details in court often put participants on the back foot, the pivotal moments of the proceedings were all preceded with a carefully articulated question. This was followed up by a beckoning open gesture or a raised eye-brow, underlining that it was time for the witness to contribute. What was happening in-front of us was intense and closely managed ear-centric activity, the defence compelling the witness to speak and contribute to the discussion.
And how was this highly prized, expensive tactic delivered by the educated barrister assigned to the case, following years of legal study and rigorous testing? - with attention, eye-contact and one of the best communication tools of all – with a short amount of audio ‘white-space’, more commonly known as silence.
